Jon Millward – Blog

Dirty Words: A Probing Analysis of 5000 Call Girl Reviews — Page 2

Most Used Words in Escort Reviews

Step Four: Draw some conclusions (tricky)

(Results are different to conclusions, so for the full list of averages and some other juicy titbits, check out the infographic at the bottom of this page.)

People have very different opinions on prostitution. Is it healthy? Moral? Should it be totally legalized? But they are questions for a different article. All I want to comment on here is what I’ve seen in the field reports I’ve analyzed and read.

It’s impossible to miss the recurring themes of the field reports on PunterNet. The reviewers always make reference to the same things. They care about the way the girl looks, how she’s dressed, her sexual technique and how into the sex she appears to be. If an escort falls down in any of these areas, perhaps by looking different to the photos on her site or by rushing the punter out of the door, you can be sure he’ll mention it in his review of her.

These four criteria aren’t particularly surprising, in fact they’re things we all care about when we have sex. If we aren’t attracted to the other person or if they seem like they’d prefer to be anywhere other than naked in our bed, we get massive pangs of anxiety. That is, we the general public. Punters don’t seem to suffer in such a big way—to them it’s wasted time and money. This must surely be because of the main element punts lack that ‘normal’ sexual relationships possess: emotional attachment.

Punters often speak at length about how special certain escorts are, how they’re sweet, fascinating people, deserving of respectful attention, but that’s as far as the caring goes—sexual jealousy and the state of appreciation for loved ones anthropologists call ‘special meaning’ don’t exist. But why should they? Punts are sexual conquests, often colourful ones, but they’re sexually motivated nonetheless.

There was only one review I read that didn’t include sex. The punter paid the escort to sit on a bed with him and recreate romantic scenes from famous films, like the ‘I’m flying’ part of Titantic. He read Jack’s lines and the girl read Rose’s (which must have been an easy day at work for her).

I don’t think punters are lacking the emotional circuitry necessary for experiencing genuine love and affection. They have just decided to bypass the usual steps men must take to go from not knowing a woman to having sex with her. This arrangement is fine with the escorts of course; their reward is financial. The punters wives (and a lot of them do appear to be married) might be the only directly connected party who’d struggle to see the bright side.

She has a bubbly personality, good conversation and if truth be told it took me back to those occasions when I thought how much more fun it might have been to stay at home with the baby sitter and leave the wife to go out on her own!

Would I recommend this lady? No, she’s all mine and I want her as my personal sex slave forever. Would I see her again? I’d bloody marry her except that might piss the wife off!!

I had to stop her several times otherwise my stay would have been very short. I had planned to save myself for my wife later but the way she looked at me I decided to let go and had the most mind blowing orgasm in years.

Charming stuff. According to the web metrics site, PunterNet is frequently visited by males who are in the age range 35–44, are graduate school educated and browse the site from home instead of work. Sounds about right. They’re also more likely to have kids than the average internet user.

I probably wouldn’t go back, just because we seem to click more in a chatty sense (talking about our kids) than a “let’s screw each others brains out” sense.

Who the sucker is in the punter/escort relationship is hard to tell. Maybe both, maybe neither. The women are well paid and seem happy with their choice of job and the men enjoy their punts and tend to repeat them again and again. Those are the positives. The negatives might be that the men are indulging a basic craving that would be satisfied in a healthier, more productive way by more traditional sexual relationships, and the women are undermining the dignity of their sexual selves by opening the door to any man who has enough cash. Escorts and punters would presumably agree with the former summary, whereas the general public, who stand at a distance from the business, would be more likely to go with the latter. Prostitution is as good or bad as the results it produces; sometimes there will be smiles all round, other times it’s bound to be a bleaker situation.

Step Five: The Infographic

The infographic was the thing I was most excited about producing for this project: a visual representation of all of the averages that came from the analyzed field reports, plus a few bonus stats. The top section shows a collection of word clouds that together make up a scene of an escort sitting on a sofa. This is the ‘average encounter’ and it shows the words punters most often used in their field reports to describe girls, locations, prices, recommendations, etc. The lower part of the infographic shows the UK rankings for the different criteria, which should be self-explanatory.

It took a long time to create but was a lot of fun. It’s surprisingly hard to find an appropriate silhouette of a seated woman to use as a word cloud while still maintaining her sexy shape. I tried 14 options, some of which are below for your (admittedly pointless) perusal.

Options for Woman for Infographic

As you’ll see in the full-sized infographic, punters seem to care most about the location being clean, discreet and with safe parking, and make the most remarks about the girl’s hair, breasts and figure. The most popular adjectives are slim, nice, lovely, pretty and attractive.

Step Six: Experience an escort for myself

Well, no. But if I were to do it, I’d know from my research that the best city to visit would be Leeds (most recommended) or maybe Liverpool (second most recommended but best value by price). If I did go to Liverpool the girl’s name would probably be Amber (most referenced name there) and she’d be 5’4” and blonde. She’d charge me £64/hour and for that I’d almost certainly engage in oral sex without a condom (most referenced sex act).

But I’m not going. I think it’s a scene more suited to men like The Godfather and Wanknobob…

Wanknobob: “Unfortunately this bird wasn’t very good looking, didn’t have a very nice bod, stank of cigs and was the worse actress i’ve ever seen. She tries to give it the porn star thing, but doesn’t respond to you, just mecanically acts like you’re the best lover she’s ever had. At times i lost my hard on a couple of times due to the mecanical nature of her performance and she didn’t acknowledege it, just carried on as if i was peter north (legendary porn star if you didn’t know) even though i was soft. Total waste of money.”

Mandy: “Well, it’s not very often I feel the need to reply, but this BOB? needs knocking down a peg or two himself. He had obviously been the hotel bar for a drink, or 10! He stunk of booze, slurred his words and was very very ugly, but hey, that’s the business that I’m in and I take the good with the bad. You can figure if out for yourself what actually went on. But in my own defence I was, as always, welcoming, sexy and very professional about the situation even though there wasn’t much for me to work with (brewer’s droop). No girl should have put up with a client like Bob, and as his name says-perhaps he should stick to the wanking or try the *AA* DEFINATLEY ONE TO AVOID GIRLS!”

The Infographic

Here’s the infographic I made that displays all of the averages from the field reports analysis. I’ve also included some cropped versions that separate the UK rankings from the word cloud scene.

Dirty Words - A Probing Analysis of 5000 Call Girl Reviews

Or supersize by clicking here

Dirty Words: Most Used Words in 5000 Escort Reviews

Or supersize by clicking here

  • Vertical infographic without UK rankings
  • UK rankings only
  • ← Back to page 1

    Send me a message about this article or leave a comment below.


    1. Daffon
      October 25, 2011

      As a punter, sometime review author, and frequent browser of Punternet since its inception in 2000, I found your analysis useful and fascinating. I appreciate that you haven’t been too judgemental but have found the insights into the punter and working girl’s world interesting. I would rather you hadn’t let on that you haven’t actually tried punting out. This gives your otherwise excellent research just a hint of the late NOW reporter’s inevitable ‘I made my excuses and left’. Still, I would definitely recommend your blog to others and may even return.

      For another really thorough and revealing blog about punting may I recommend the meisterwerk about the lively Berlin scene by indefatigable ex-pat Angus Magee:

      NB I am indebted to a fellow punter for the etymnology of mongering (just put whore in front of it — you know it makes sense).

      Must write up some recent wonderful ladies.…

      • JonGoddy
        October 26, 2011


        Thanks for your reply. I’m glad you liked the article.

        I can sort of see what you mean about it being disappointing that I didn’t sleep with an escort to pad out my understanding of the scene, but to do so would have been to embark on a very different investigation to the one I actually completed. It would have also been just a single experience (mine) with one girl, once, so I don’t think it would have added a general insight to the piece–it’d make for a juicier, more exciting story though.

        Also, while I certainly don’t judge other people for paying for sex, my own sexual agenda contains the precept that I have to earn the sex to enjoy it. And by earn, I mean put in the work necessary to actually make the woman want to rip my clothes off, not for the money I have, but because she actually, deeply desires me. The resulting sex is more emotional and can be just as raunchy/animalistic as any punt, I think.

        We’re probably talking at cross purposes, though, because punters aren’t replacing ‘normal’ sexual relationships with punts, just supplementing their sexual tastes with a few pricey ‘eat out’ meals.

    2. Andrew
      October 26, 2011

      Really thoughtful and well-written article. Enjoyed reading it!
      You should do step 6 though, for the sake of completeness…

    3. Miss Charlotte Dean
      October 26, 2011

      I really enjoyed this article and I’ll bet you enjoyed researching it too ;)

      Only time will tell if it has whet your appetite to go through with step six, you certainly know how to do your research so I’m sure you would have a great punt.

    4. Shade
      October 29, 2011

      A very interesting article, though as someone who has paid for sex, the one part I partially disagreed with is this:

      I don’t think punters are lacking the emotional circuitry necessary for experiencing genuine love and affection. They have just decided to bypass the usual steps men must take to go from not knowing a woman to having sex with her. This arrangement is fine with the escorts of course; their reward is financial. The punters wives (and a lot of them do appear to be married) might be the only directly connected party who’d struggle to see the bright side.”

      Because that assumes that some ‘punters’ don’t wish for genuine affection and love. I only see escorts when single, and to relieve sexual frustration (though a nice cuddle and a chat is always nice too, of course!) but I hope to be in a long term relationship again soon so that I never need to punt again. Now obviously I may be in the minority, it’s impossible to tell, but from reading fr’s and the punternet message boards, I know I’m not completely alone.

      Oh, and one other minor thing — many men have fallen in love with escorts that they see regularly, and have requested advice on how to handle such situations on the message board time and time again, whilst many escorts have commented on the times that they’ve had to deal with customers who have fallen for them, so it’s certainly not that cut and dried when it comes to the emotional side of punting either.

      Again, I did enjoy the article, but thought I would just point these things out (and do understand that the fr’s may not represent this well, and that these are things that can be discovered from reading the punternet forums).

    5. ManchesterEve
      October 30, 2011

      Fascinating reading, I never thought of reviews in that way. Have you thought about publishing which reviews it was based on? (I’m nosey and want to know if one of ine was in there lol)

    6. Firstly — what a brilliant piece of research! I said it took you a lot of work to do this and I can believe it! Wow! Ever thought of doing a PhD on this? I think you’ve got the bulk of a very serious and publishable research paper here.

      However, some of your conclusions are not as objective as they could be and this does kind of take the edge off what would otherwise be a really compelling piece of research.

      the women are undermining the dignity of their sexual selves by opening the door to any man who has enough cash”

      You are making the assumption that a woman’s ‘sexual dignity’ reside between their legs. Although I’m not a sex worker, I’ve had the opportunity to interview many. Their sexual dignity lies in as many different places are there are women. They are individuals and they place their self-esteem just like anyone else — in many places.

      It is very important to keep in mind, at all times, that your data comes from punters, on sites that are for punters. The data you are gathering from them is rich and interesting — but it speaks to THEM and their reactions/feelings/responses. The small number of women who reply are replying in a professional capacity. You aren’t getting what they really think/feel/are interested in. So you need to be careful about drawing conclusions about the women based on a sampling like this.

      • JonGoddy
        November 1, 2011

        Hey, thanks for your kind words and feedback on the article.

        The article isn’t wholly objective, I agree. If it were a write-up for a scientific study I would have left out a lot of the wry observations and dry one-liners (the Godfather film reference for one!).

        I think the comment about the girls’ sexual dignity potentially being undermined was there to offset the first appraisal of their job (“The women are well paid and seem happy with their choice of job”). It wasn’t really my opinion on the truth of the matter. Like I said, I think it would be closer to what the average person might feel though.

        Having said that, I’ve recently learnt about how some girls ‘tour’–they shack up in a hotel room in a town that isn’t their own, then are visited by lots of guys over the course of a night or few, then they move onto another town, not unlike a touring rock band. I must admit something about this set-up did make me uneasy when I read about it. To me, it’s lacking something. I know, I know, it’s their choice. It’s only as psychologically and spiritually harmful as the degree of harm that it actually causes in specific cases. But it feels strange to me. And I must say that the reason I wouldn’t want my wife, daughter, female friends or anyone I know doing the same thing have to be taken seriously. That kind of activity flies in the face of a lot of what I consider to be intellectually and psychosocially rewarding.

        But we’re not talking about my brain or body here, I suppose.

        Anyway, because of the popularity of this article and infographic, I’m going to be doing exactly what you hint at towards the end of your reply: I’m going to interview a massive number of escorts over the coming weeks and produce an article and image similar to the one you’ve already seen. This time it will be the girls’ minds mirrored in words and represented in a picture.

    7. Remittance Girl
      November 1, 2011

      I think that would be a very interesting piece of research also. And yes, I do realize that a blog post needs to be voiced differently. And I think you are right, this is what the average person thinks about prostitutes — that they’re compromised individuals who are ashamed of what they do. Who feel what they do is ‘empty’. And I know that for some of them, this is true. But mostly, I think that the repetition of the job becomes quite a mundane thing (although they certainly wouldn’t want their clients to think that). Their business depends largely on maintaining a suspension of disbelief that this is not simply an economic transaction — orgasm for pay.

      What I’ve always found interesting is that it is more the men who seem not to be able to function with that reality. The whole popularity of the ‘girlfriend’ experience is indicative of a need have the fantasy that you are sexually desired, cared for, revealed to, by the worker reflects in fact that is it men who are, in fact, quite vulnerable in the where they put their own sexual dignities. If it were just about getting off, people wouldn’t need that illusion that ‘she was eager, she loved sex, she wanted it,’ etc. A competent blowjob in a car would do just fine.

      So, in a very tangible way, these men are not just buying sex. They’re buying a fantasy of being someone else. Someone these women would be hot for without the cash involved. A reinforcement of their sexual identities.

      People paint the world of sex work in very black and white terms, usually, but it’s not. Men come to sex workers with a need for a lot more than just an orgasm. The success or failure of the encounter often comes from an unrealistic expectation of what it is possible commodify.

      There are some interesting variants, as you pointed out. The men who sort of fetishize the sloppy seconds. Another very interesting variant and — I’ve been told by many of sex workers — the easiest client of all, are the men who understand the reality of the transaction very clearly. They want to get off in a certain way. They don’t want the emotional or social entanglements that come with a sexual relationship. They are clear on the fact that the woman is a sex worker and are simply happy if she is skilled at her job.

      I live in the developing world. Here dignity involves having enough to eat, being able to pay for your children’s education, and coming up with the money for medical treatment if you or someone you care for gets sick. Selling sex to get that sort of security and stability in an economic environment where other work pays much less makes good pragmatic sense. For these kind of women, their dignity often lies in their economic independence. It’s not a great job, but then neither are a lot of other jobs on offer for women of their class or economic status.

    8. Esme
      November 10, 2011

      Very interesting and well written blog, I look forward to reading part two!

    9. Esme
      November 10, 2011

      Very interesting and well written blog. I look forward to reading part 2 and hope lots of girls contribute.

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